Heartfelt Words

The words below were written by Robin - a US citizen I met in Amman in early 2008. Robin was introduced to me by a mutual Iraqi friend who kept insisting that I must meet her friend, "an American married to an Iraqi". When I finally met Robin and her husband, I fell in love with them both and they have become my dear "brother" and "sister".

Robin has a unique perspective on this crisis. She married Omar - an Iraqi refugee without legal status in Jordan - in fall of 2007. Robin lived with her husband, immersed in the refugee community as a part of it. She was not a member of the NGO community but only a woman who happened to find love with a man who happened to be Iraqi and a refugee.

Robin wrote the letter below to send out to her friends and family when she forwarded our recent UPDATE (read it below Robin's words) to them.

I am often brought to tears when I visit families and hear first-hand their horrifying stories but I rarely cry any longer over the general situation for Iraqi refugees. Robin's letter brought tears to my eyes. I am sharing it with you now because I hope you will hear her heartfelt words and take them to your own heart. Robin understands - better than most people can - the pain of Iraqi refugees and how CRP responds to it.

Robin lives in Louisiana (thus her references to 'Cajuns') now as she had to return to the USA to care for her elderly mother. Omar waits in Amman - with no more rights than any other refugee there - for his visa to join his wife. Myriad complications in this process have kept this loving couple apart for close to a year and they are still uncertain when they can be together again.

From Robin - with her permission:

Hello dear friends and family,

This is the project that I was telling you all about. Sasha is a dear friend I had the privilege of meeting and getting to know while I lived in Jordan. I have seen, and lived, what this project is all about. They truly bring hope to a situation that is very desperate.

Iraqi people are just like us Cajuns...open hearts, open doors, and will give you the last crumb off the table before eating it themselves, even if they are starving. They love with all of their hearts and are so passionate and unabashed about it. They considered me their sister wherever I went...and they MEANT it.

To read that their passion is dying out...being drained because of the conditions they live in, breaks my heart. Their 'joie de vive' or joy for life was all they had left and now that is being taken away too? These are innocent victims of a war they did not ask for. For those of you who think Iraq had any part in 9/11, you're wrong. Research it, learn about it, but please do not make assumptions simply because you do not understand a culture that is different or a religion that is not your own. Islam, TRUE Islam, teaches peace and love for all....don't let the radicals turn your hearts against them all. We, as Christians, should know better than to judge..only God can do that. Unfortunately, all too often, that is exactly what we do because of the fanatacism and stupidity of a few....and I speak of this from both sides.

More than anyone, Cajuns should understand how important culture is and appreciate the differences. I ask you all to please take a look at this project and find it in your hearts to help feed starving families, clothe children, and bring hope back to a people and culture even richer than our own. Help the Collateral Repair Project repair some of the damage that we Americans have helped to inflict on these innocent people. I know that times are hard, but they are even harder for them. ANYTHING helps. If nothing else, just read the letter and visit the website and share this story with as many people as you can.

Yes, their religion is different. Yes, their culture is different. BUT THEIR HEARTS ARE THE SAME AS OURS. Believe me when I say this..I have lived it...and I am married to a beautiful Iraqi man whose love and devotion to God and me have changed my life forever.

Thank you to those who took the time to read this. It is my sincere hope as fellow Americans, Christians, Cajuns and humans.. that you pass this message on.

Robin Kilgore Kamil

Our Monthly UPDATE - newsletter to our donors and friends

I'm pasting a copy of May's UPDATE below. If you would like to subscribe, send us an e-mail to subscribe.crp(at)gmail.com with "subscribe" in the subject line.
Note: We will not barrage you with e-mails. Although we would like to send the UPDATE out monthly, often we send it only every other month.

Contents

• CRP founder and co-director Sasha Crow recently returned from Amman, Jordan - and will return soon
• Our BLOG from Jordan
• Volunteers from CODEPINK joined us in Amman
• Evergreen College students visit Amman and meet with Iraqi refugee young people
• HEART to HEART ~ HAND to HAND - a new way for you to connect more personally with Iraqi refugees in Jordan
• Kudos & Shukrun (thank you!)
  
• Pashmina shawl sale & fund-raiser
• Events
• Misc
• Please contribute
  

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Message from CRP founder / co-director, Sasha Crow

Dear Friend of CRP

I recently returned from spending three months in Amman, working side-by-side with our Iraqi coordinator, Maha, to deliver assistance to Iraqi refugee families.

Some things had improved since our last visit in November 08 - UNHCR is doing aggressive outreach to register more refugees so that they can be eligible for the small monthly cash grants and other services. More families are receiving the grant and the amount has increased a little. Medical services have expanded. But, despite these improvements, services and support are still woefully inadequate compared to the overwhelming need. The global economic downturn has resulted in higher prices for food and other necessities, hitting those hardest who have so very little.

The one thing that struck me most during this last visit is how mental health has plummeted.

Some of this can certainly be attributed to up to 6 years of existence as refugees after enduring and witnessing horrors in Iraq and in finding themselves in ever-deepening poverty. But much has to do with the fact that many more Iraqis have been resettled to third countries recently and those left behind (especially those who have been denied resettlement) have lost hope of their situations improving or of having the opportunity to improve them themselves. Many who had looked forward in hope to resettlement to the US now either refuse it if offered to them or consider refusing; they have heard from friends and relatives who have been resettled here about the pathetically inadequate support for Iraqi immigrants to the US and that a good many of those already resettled here are "choosing" to return to Iraq rather than face absolute destitution.

With resettlement off the table, they're left with no options of escaping their situation. Most cannot contemplate returning to Iraq as the threats that forced them to leave are still very real. Even if security does improve, still many do not have homes to return to - they have been destroyed or taken over by others.

They cannot leave Jordan and yet they cannot build lives there. Most feel that there is no way out - of Jordan or from the limitations imposed on them as refugees. They exist in suspended animation somewhere between Hell and Purgatory. And they are losing hope.

All are exhausted. The common complaint I heard is: "I am so tired"

Now, more than ever, Iraqi refugees need your help.

Most days, I shared tears of sorrow and frustration with the many of the families I visited. I told them that I represent many, many others who cannot be there but who remember, who care and respond. I cannot tell you how heartened they are to know that we have not forgotten them. I wish I knew how to share these moments with you so that you could know how much your support and caring means to them. We have just begun a new campaign that we hope will accomplish this.

Part of CRP's mission has always been to facilitate "mutually respectful relationships between Iraqi victims of war and coalition citizens". With our new "HEART to HEART / HAND to HAND campaign, we offer you a chance to be in more direct contact with Iraqi refugees you assist - and for them to learn more about who you are, too. We hope that you will read more about this effort in this UPDATE (below) and on our web site.

I am returning to Amman on June 12 for another three month stay. I hope that you'll respond to this opportunity so that I can carry with me many of your photos and personal notes along with your contributions to bring assistance to more families.

I am also pleased to tell you that I will be accompanied by a good friend - singer/songwriter, Annie Tanner. Annie will be taking her compassionate heart, her talent and her guitar to bring some joy into the homes of refugee families. She will also be joining us in our daily work and sharing refugees' stories and her experiences by contributing to our BLOG.

Finally, I am so grateful to you for allowing me the privilege of representing your caring hearts when we take families the much needed assistance you provide. Thank you

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OUR BLOG from JORDAN

If you haven't already visited our blog, we invite you to read Sasha's posts of her experiences while in Amman from the end of January through April of this year. We will resume our blog reports when we go to Jordan. We share stories of the refugee families we meet, their photos, the challenges they face, and how we use your contributions to respond to those needs.

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CODEPINK volunteers joined us in Amman

We were pleased when CODEPINK members, Kit Siemion and Jim Preston joined us as volunteers in Amman for several days after spending time in Gaza. They accompanied Maha and Sasha as they visited families to deliver food assistance and to purchase a Micro-Project for a family.

This is what Kit wrote before they arrived in Jordan to tell us what they hoped to accomplish by joining with us:

Jim and I are committed Peace Activists trying to build bridges of understanding, compassion and hope with people the world over through travel and work. We consider ourselves "citizen diplomats" and believe experiencing a culture and sharing it with others will help foster a sustainable Peace because only the People can create Peace.

We think Kit and Jim did a terrific job of doing what they set out to do!

You can see more photos from their visit with CRP and also photos they took in Gaza HERE , HERE and more HERE

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EVERGREEN COLLEGE (Olympia Washington) STUDENTS visit with IRAQI young people in Amman

On May 13th, CRP collaborated with Evergreen College to bring together US students and Iraqi young people together in hope of fostering mutual understanding and facilitate relationship-building. Here is an initial report of the event from one of the Evergreen coordinators:

17 Evergreen students on an educational study-abroad tour organized a gathering with 12 Iraqi refugee student-age young people. The idea was to meet, talk, share a meal together and collaborate in doing something creative. There was initially discussion among the Evergreeners if we should facilitate a panel-dialogue but then the group decided instead to interact through art. This was also due to the concern that our Arabic skills were lacking.

In the morning the shopping crew went to the market to shop for provisions; in the afternoon the cooking crew prepared the meal. Our guests arrived promptly at 6pm and the welcome crew ushered everyone into the lounge at our hotel. The entire group sat in a circle and introduced themselves, Iraqis and Americans alike. Following some discussion and some laughter that broke the ice, the Evergreen students organized a collaborative art workshop. The idea was that the process of painting together would create a "space" where the Iraqi and American students could interact through their mutual creativity. People chatted in small groups, some painted together while others looked on.

While the paint dried, dinner was served and everyone sat down to share a meal together. After dinner, conversations continued, connections were made and many photographs were taken. The group as a whole came to the consensus that the collaborative artwork should be taken back to Olympia to share this evening with the Evergreen campus. The Evergreen students proposed forming a mural with the "panels" of artwork to present to the campus community.

Finally, our Iraqi guests got up to leave and everyone exchanged email addresses. We hope this gathering will be the beginning of continued connection, conversation and dialogue between us and our Iraqi friends.

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HEART to HEART ~ HAND to HAND: building a bridge between you and the Iraqi refugee families you assist

Part of CRP's mission has always been to facilitate "mutually respectful relationships between Iraqi victims of war and coalition citizens". With our new "HEART to HEART / HAND to HAND campaign, we offer you a chance to be in more direct contact with Iraqi refugees you assist - and for them to learn more about who you are, too.

Now, when you donate to provide assistance to Iraqi refugees, CRP will hand-deliver your photos and personal messages to assistance recipients so that they know the names and faces of those who help them. In exchange, we will send you photos and personal messages back from them.

You can choose to send your messages and photos to us electronically - by e-mail or you can send them to us through the US Postal Service. If sending through the mail, it would be especially nice to send your message in a greeting card.

Find out how you can participate by visiting our web site HERE

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Kudos and 'Shukrun' ("thank you" in Arabic)

to the congregation of East Shore Unitarian Church of Bellevue, Washington for contributing over $2000 through their Easter offering. These funds will make a huge difference in the lives of many Iraqi refugees in Amman. Only a portion of this contribution has already provided Micro-Projects for three families and given a wheelchair and other health-related supplies for an elderly disabled man. More refugee families will be benefiting from East Shore's generosity soon.

Thank you / Shukrun, EAST SHORE congregation!

This just goes to prove how a group of people, each contributing a little, can make a significant difference to others who are less fortunate

We hope others will be inspired by East Shore. Will you please consider asking your faith-communities, family members, co-workers and other affinity group members to join together to raise funds to help an Iraqi refugee family? Even a little provides a family with necessities they cannot afford - such as medicine and food.

for more information about how your group can help a family, please CONTACT US

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Our Pashmina Shawl fund-raising sale was a success

Sasha brought over 100 Pashmina shawls back that she picked up in the souks (market places) in Amman. CRP held its first Pashmina sale in Ashland Oregon last weekend, nearly selling out of shawls and bringing in over $2000 for our refugee assistance projects!

Our thanks to all who attended and supported our work through their purchases!

We still have around 20 shawls - available for only $20 donation. If you live in the Medford/Ashland vicinity and missed our sale, you can contact us to arrange an appointment to see the shawls.

We hope to hold another Pashmina sale this autumn after Sasha and Annie return from Amman with their suitcases bulging with more shawls. We hope to make this a twice-yearly event.

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UPCOMING EVENTS

Taos NM 5/26-6/2
World Peace Week
CRP outreach liasion, Karen Jones of Seattle will give a presentation: Forgotten: Bringing hope to Iraqi Refugees in Jordan - How a Grassroots Project is helping Iraqi families in crisis

Eugene OR 5/29-30
Lane Peace Conference Peace and Collective Action: Connecting Hope and Change
CRP co-directors, Mary Madsen and Sasha Crow will present: Iraqi Refugees - forgotten in Limbo. Will include: overview of the Iraqi refugee crisis, film of interviews with Iraqi refugees in Jordan, problem-solving session, and Q & A

Seabeck WA 7/2-5
Seabeck Regional Conference - Western WA Fellowship of Reconciliation: Building a Just and Sustainable World
CRP outreach liasion, Karen Jones will be presenting on the Iraqi refugee crisis and Collateral Repair Project's response. More info available later

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MISC:

We need donations of crayons and water colors to take with us to Jordan to give as gifts to children when we visit refugee families. We need about 20 more of each.

Please send them to:
CRP c/o Madsen

1800 Poplar Drive # 6
Medford, OR 97504

Cookbook Project - A Celebration of Iraqi Culture
We are excited about our project to create a cookbook of Iraqi recipes with recipes shared with us by Iraqi refugee women. Iraqi refugees spend much of their time focusing on their challenges and losses. With this project, we hope to offer them an opportunity to celebrate on one important aspect of their rich culture - it's food. The book will include recipes for mains through desserts with photos of the women making their dishes - accompanied with personal stories of each of the Iraqi women who contribute. We will also include their memories of the foods they cook and Iraqi food-lore and customs. We hope to be able to have the cookbook ready in late autumn of 09 for purchase in time for your holiday giving.

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In these uncertain times when we are forced to be more attentive to our own needs, please remember those whose lives have been irrevocably damaged in our names and whose resources are gone.

Your contribution - no matter how large or small - makes a difference

Please contribute

www.collateralrepairproject.org
Collateral Repair Project is a project of International Humanities Center

Nawruz and Mother's Day

A friend sent me this in an e-mail on Mother's Day. I wrote to ask its author, Nesreen, if I could post it on our blog and to ask her a little about who she is. She kindly agreed to allowing us to share her words. She is an Iraqi expat in Canada and, like most Iraqis I know, her love for her country transcends time and distance. Iraq is in her blood and heart.

You can read more of her writing HERE

Nawruz and Mother's Day
Nesreen Melek

Six years ago I was sitting on the same couch watching their shock and owe bombing on my beloved country. I asked myself what anology they would use for Baghdad and other cities this time. In the early nineties, a CNN reporter covering the Gulf war reported that Baghdad looked like a Christmas tree. Six years ago, when they started their war, it was too late for Christmas... it was spring, a season of fertility, but for Iraqis it was a season of death.

I felt like as I was watching a horror movie; I was watching but not believing that the American government could be so brutal. There were no weapons of mass destructions, Iraq was not responsible for 9/11 and Iraqis didn’t cause any harm to the American people. I knew it was about the oil and was not about the Iraqi people. American people didn’t care about the Iraqis. The American government pushed the United Nations to impose ten years or economic sanctions on Iraq which caused the death of more than one million Iraqi children.

The horror continued, and I kept asking myself what had we done to them to hate us that much? What was wrong with them? Did they have hearts? What had we done to be punished that way?

I knew that there were people against this ugly war but they could not do anything. I kept asking myself, why would Americans allow their government to kill innocent people in their names? The people could stop this ugly war... But nothing stopped their hatred against my people...

Rallies were held, I attended them all, people stretched out their arms to reach mine and apologized for the American acts against my own people. People wiped my tears, hugged me and I cried on strangers’ shoulders knowing that the destruction would continue and so would be the killing. I knew that they had their plan to destroy Iraq.

Life went on and I was part of it knowing that in Iraq there was a child who could not sleep because he/she was scared from the continuous bombing, there were women who lost their beloved ones and that there was fear in the hearts of each Iraqi because of the daily bombing and the daily killing..

I was speechless when I watched the looting of the Iraqi museum. My sister called me from the States early in the morning that day but we could not say a word to each other. We were both mourning our losses...we were mourning the death of the cradle of civilization on the hands of barbarians..

Nights and days passed, each day the damage and the pain was bigger than the day before..

The American president who orchestrated this war kept talking about how democracy will be spread in Iraq, not mentioning that his troop spread their poisonous hatred on the fertile Iraqi soil

Iraqi prisoners were dragged on the floor in the name of their democracy, women were raped in the name of the democracy, children lost their parents in the name of their democracy, men were killed in the name of their democracy, palm trees were burnt in the name of their democracy, deceased were eaten in loose dogs in the name of their democracy, people left their country in the name of their democracy, scientist were killed in the name of their democracy, yet the American people couldn’t stop their government’s atrocities against the Iraqi civilians.

Americans celebrated each and every occasion. None of these occasions meant anything to me anymore. The last occasion they celebrated was Valentine day.. I asked myself, if they did not feel for the Iraqi children who were killed in their names how could they care about each other...

I felt speechless in so many occasions, until I started expressing myself through written words.. Now I feel that I’ve used all the words and I have no more words left. I can’t cry anymore, the pain in my heart has reached its peak, I feel numbness spreading over my body..

During my last visit to Baghdad, I realized how much Iraqis had lost. There was no life in their eyes, nothing excites them anymore, as they had lost interest in living. Even the children I saw looked different, there was no happiness on their eyes there was only fear.

A few days ago, was the first day of spring, it was Nawruz.. It is spring in Baghdad, the orange trees must be full of Kaddah (Orange tree flowers) and there is no better smell than the smell of the Iraqi Kaddah.. It smells like Jasmine flowers but stronger.. In Iraq, it is mother's day.. I hope that I can make necklaces from this Kaddah, give it to all Iraqi mothers who suffered from the continuous brutality of the world, I wish I can give an orange seeds to the Iraqi children so they can to plant them. My tears, yours and others shall pour like rain on these seeds hoping that there will be good days to come. ..

(photos taken in Amman, Jordan)

The "war" is not over

Shemiron's brother, Edward, meets us at the door and welcomes us in. His elderly mother, Zarifa, sits on the sofa, surrounded by the remains of their dinner and hurries to try to clear it when she realizes there are guests. She greets us warmly but silently then sits back on the sofa wearing a hat that reminds me of another era, seeming to retreat into some secret place of her own. Her 5 year old grandson, Philip, plays quietly as the grown-ups talk.

Shemiron limps into the room to meet us. Her right leg, from the knee down, is covered up by a stiff prosthetic leg. Her face is in a constant grimace of pain. Her eyes are the saddest eyes I have ever looked into and when I do, I feel myself falling into her grief and pain. Tears line her eyes like crystal eyeliner. Edward tells us that she cries often, especially in the night.

Shemira was an elementary school teacher in Baghdad for 24 years. She loved her work and sent money to help support the rest of her family who had already fled to Amman. She also cared for Zarifa - the two lived together.

But all of that ended last November when she stopped on the way home from the school to pick up some medicine for her mother and bread for their supper. She met her sister at the market and the two were hurrying to finish their shopping before curfew when a car bomb exploded, severing Shemira's right foot completely off, torturing the flesh on the back of her left leg and ending the hearing in one of her ears. Her sister escaped with only shrapnal wounds.

Edward exclaims "Al hamdilelah!" (Thanks to God!) as he tells me of their narrow escape from death and repeats the phrase many times during our conversation and the ferver in his expression seems like that of a man who has only just moments ago realized that the worst has not happened. Shemira, too, appears to still be in shock from the experience - that and losing her foot, her career, her home - her life as she knew it.

Two months after the explosion, Shemiron and her mother made the long trip from Baghdad to the Jordanian border and the two women, one very elderly, the other severely injured, were refused entry. They tried again ten days later and were successful on this second attempt.

Shemiron went into the kitchen to make tea for us and when it was ready, Edward insisted that she sit down while he brought us the cups from the kitchen. She bent to remove the prosthetic. Her foot is completely missing, the stump of her leg uneven and the scars appear still new. She shows us the back of her other leg - it is criss-crossed with scars and
buckled skin.

Edward brings in the tea and tells us that their sister in Baghdad - the one who was with Shemiron in the explosion - sent 300JD to buy the prosthetic leg. Before she got the prosthetic, she had to crawl to get around the house. Although 300JD is the usual cost of a good prosthesis here, the one she received has many problems - it is stiff, it has no ventilation so her foot is at risk for infection. Edward says she cannot keep it on for long - if she does, it gives off a bad odor. The foot on the prosthetic is longer than her remaining foot - the heel of her plastic "foot" hangs over the back of her shoe nearly 2 inches. Worst of all, it hurts her to use it. Every step she takes is tortured. They took the prosthetic back to the clinic where they purchased it and asked the doctor to adjust it. He made a small adjustment and when that did nothing to improve her comfort, told Shemiron that there was nothing else that can be done.

Edward and Shemiron's sister comes in the door, wearing an exhausted face. She is a doctor at the hospital across the road. As an Iraqi, she is paid only 300JD per month and she is supporting everyone in her family - including Philip's parents and their other three children - with this small amount.

She tells me that they hope to immigrate and have been offered resettlement in the US. They have heard how bad the situation is for Iraqis and that other doctors and highly professional people are working in hotels changing sheets or other menial jobs - if they find employment at all. She will refuse to resettle there if it is offered. The family contemplates whether they should accept resettlement to the US for Shemiron and her mother...perhaps it might be ok for them because neither can work and should be eligible for social security support. They do not want to be separated but what can they do? They cannot provide proper care for Shemiron and her mother there when they are struggling just to pay rent and put food on the table.

Edward tells me he came to Jordan in 2004 with his sister. He is an agricultural engineer and was working on a small farm. He told me that machine gun toting militia came into his work, grabbed him by his collar and threw him out on the road, warning him, "If we see you again, we will kill you." He never returned again to work and a month later, he fled.

For those of you, so far away from Iraq and sheltered from the truth of the ongoing violence, it may be easy to think that the 'war' is over and believe the official statements that "things are getting better". They are - insofar as violence is down from what it was two and three years ago - but it is certainly grossly higher than it was before the US-led invasion. Every day, more families like Shemiron's grieve new losses and those who can flee, hoping to find a safe haven from the daily risk that they might be 'next'. The living - those who survive - are accompanied by relentless ghosts of horror, trauma, loss, displacement, fatigue, and unimagineable insecurity that haunt their days and will not allow them peaceful dreams if they can dare to dream at all. The "war" is not over.

Orphan Day 2009 - continued (see previous posts below)

Our last visit was to deliver gifts to Intisar and her four children - Hani (9), Ziad (6), Shaymin (3) and Firas (1 1/2). We had begun our morning, delivering gifts to a family who lived in a lovely apartment, in a nice area - but only because they have to rely completely on the charity of friends and their apartment was given to them rent-free. But as the day progressed, each home we visited was in worse condition that the previous ones. Intisar and her kids live in one of the very worst homes we have ever been in.

When we reached Intisar's home, we had to climb stairs that reminded me of nightmares I had when I was a child - they were suspended without support and without handrails. The walls were made of brick that appeared to have no motar holding them together. We entered the apartment into a large, empty room with cement floor, with dark water flowing through a large corner of it. A peek into the single bedroom showed me walls covered with mold. The small sitting room was cheerier - with a bright carpet on the floor. A broken computer covered with a thin film of dust sat on a table by the window. They pay 40JD per month for their rent. They rely solely on charity to meet their needs. It is not enough; they are 6 months behind in paying their electricity bill.


Intisar and the kids share the one bedroom flat with Intisar's deceased husband's "other" wife. (most of the marriages I have encountered are with only one wife - however, occaisionally I meet a family where the husband has two wives - rarely more than two) The two women tell us they are happy with the arrangement and have always gotten along well. They share household chores and taking care of the children. Now that they are both widowed, they provide each other with emotional support as well.

Their husband's death is not war-related. He died of an aneurysm in April of 2007.

We are happy that we brought toys to these children even though their father's death is not directly related to the way and they came to Jordan prior to the US invasion. These simple gifts are probably the nicest things they have received in a long, long time. Their faces lit up brightly when they received their toys - although it took young Firas a while to lose the grimace on his face he had upon waking from his nap and finding a foreign-looking stranger with a camera sitting near him!

Orphan Day 2009 - continued (see previous posts below)

Next we went to the area of Amman that is designated as "New Camp" - a Palestinian refugee camp within the city. New Camp is not a tent camp - it consists of mostly low income apartment buildings connected with narrow roads and with a highly concentrated population of mostly impoverished Palestinians - and now, a growing population of equally impoverished Iraqi refugees. We were visiting Bushra and her family in a lively area with a lot of activity on the streets: kids playing soccer, teen boys hanging out in small bunches, teen girls and young women walking together arm-in-arm, and older people visiting one another, sitting on their stoops.

Bushra told us that had they lived in Baghdad near the airport. When the Amrikans came they were in terror under intense bombing night after night. She tells us, "Many of our neighbors houses were hit by the bombs. She recalls that one time the US dropped burning photos of Saddam from the air onto their neighborhood. She said, "Then the Amrikans came to us and told us to leave our houses or they will burn them with us in them."

So the family moved to her sister's home in another part of the city. When they were finally allowed to return to their home, they found that most of their valuables were gone. The Amrikans had killed their small home flock of ducks and chickens and also had cut down their precious pomegranate trees, chopping them off at ground level.

Bushra and her four children: Bethana (11), Shayma (9), Harith (11) and Malik (8) left Iraq soon after the beginning of the US invasion in 2003 after militia burst into their home and shot the children's father in the head in front of them. Bushra told us that she lost both her husband and brother as they were both killed on the same day - her brother was murdered by militia while he was out shopping. She speculates he was killed because he had worked in Saddam's government.

Soon after militia contacted Bushra, telling her to give them a huge amount of money "to pay to buy a kidney" or they would take her to use her kidney. They had no choice but to flee.

Life has not been easy for this family since arriving in Amman. They live in a one room home in terrible repair. Bushra had worked as a housekeeper for a Jordanian family and earned enough to pay their rent and buy food but her employers moved away a few months ago and now she is 3 months behind in paying the rent of 60JD per month. They do not receive the UNHCR monthly cash grant but Bushra told us that they had an appointment scheduled with UNHCR the following day and hopes they will begin to get cash assistance. She pleads with Maha, "If you know anyone who needs their house cleaned, please call me."

Bushra's eldest brother was just released a month ago after being held in Abu Ghraib for four years. She said that when she called him recently, he told her that he was beaten, kept naked much of the time, humiliated when female US military members would come to look at him, threatened with dogs, kept blindfolded often, and that food and water were with-held for long periods of time. She says he is broken - he remembers these details of Abu Ghraib but lost much of his memory about his past. He is beginning to remember his children but he still cannot remember his wife.

Another of her brothers was beaten badly by US military members and now is partially paralyzed.

Bushra's and her two small children live with them. Her sister was away - in Baghdad - when we visited. She was in Iraq, arranging for her husband's funeral. He had gone back to Baghdad to sell their house there and was killed in a bombing a week ago. Now these two yery young children are orphans, too.

I ask Bethana what she remembers about her life in Baghdad. She told me, "Where we lived we played with our cousins. There was a stationery shop near our house where we would go to buy candy from the shopkeeper, Um Ahmed. On the main street there was a man selling cigarettes, sitting on the ground. On the second street was our school. Our uniforms were blue dresses with a white blouse. We had a roof and in summer we slept on the roof and in winter our grandmother would sleep with us in our room. I had many friends. For us, it was better in Iraq; it was our school, our area, our home..." She adds, "It was a better education and our teachers were better than the ones here. Our neighbors there were very kind to us, not like here. Here they always ask about everything we do, always watching us."

Buthana added,
"We were with our hearts together with everyone there"